Hilarious Dog Resolutions for 2016

December 23 2015

Every year people make resolutions ... they are going to lose weight, quit smoking, stop drinking, etc. Unfortunately, most of these are abandoned after the first week. So I thought it might be fun to write some dog resolutions ... the suggestions came from my interview with my Labrador!

  • Resolution #1: I will become best friends with the mailman or anyone delivering packages. I will not chase his truck or jump up on him. But geesh, I'm just trying to be friendly, not aggressive.
  • Resolution #2: I will not bring you dead mice. You have your trophies and I have mine, but okay, I get it.
  • Resolution #3: If I get sick in the middle of the night, I will try and make the toilet. If not, I will try and hit the tile versus the carpeting.
  • Resolution #4. I will not eat my poop, the cat's poop or another dog's poop. I also will not eat the baby's diapers!
  • Resolution #5: I will stop watching you play video games and do a few laps around the house to get more exercise.
  • Resolution #6: I will be less afraid of the vacuum or other things that make loud noises. But I'm not making ANY promises about the fireworks on the Fourth of July.
  • Resolution #7: I will try and not talk to you (aka bark at you) when you are on the phone.
  • Resolution #8: I won't nudge you at your desk when you are busy working. But it really is all about me isn't it?
  • Resolution #9: I will not freak out when you leave the house, but I get bored and I miss you. Maybe you could leave me with a to do list like you do with the kids. Maybe I could help organize my toy bin (by the way, they are looking a little raggedy ... is there a new toy in my future?
  • Resolution#10: I'll stop counter surfing if you promise to sneak me some table scraps every once in a while.

What Iím Not Changing:

  • I will continue to fart and not feel bad about it. Dad does it and he doesn't feel bad ... in fact he still laughs!
  • If you come home smelling like another dog, I will get jealous. Don't cheat on me.
  • I will continue to try and get what I want by whining (a little) and giving you my best sad eyes.
  • If it lands on the floor, forget about the five second rule ... it's mine!
  • I will not tug the stuffing out of your pillows if you buy me a tug toy!
  • I know I am spoiled and have a pretty cushy life. I suppose I could learn to share if you took in a foster dog.
  • I won't wake you up every morning by jumping up on the bed. But really, that alarm gets annoying when you hit the snooze five times.
  • I will not stop chasing the squirrels and rabbits ... they taunt me by thinking they are faster than me.
  • I will take my pills without spitting them back up only if they are wrapped in peanut butter or another yummy treat.
  • I will chew up your New Year's resolution list so you don't have to feel bad when you break all your good intentions!

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